...inside the teenage mind ...

omg

2006-05-17T14:58:00.000-07:00

omgomgomgomgomgomg!!!!!!!!!!

I PASSED MY DRIVING TEST!!!!WOOOOOOO!!!! im free :D

first attempt, only 3 minors...stated on 2nd march, passed on 16 may :D!! i luv it!! heehe so awesome...lol

omgomgomgomgomgomg!!!!!!!!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Life?!

2006-04-07T14:57:00.000-07:00

Is life what we make it? Or is it already mapped out for us?
Do we have the power to control our lives? Or are our lives out of our control?

...I want some answers to these questions, but then, doesnt everyone ?! There is no answer, because there is no way of finding out. All we must do is take the advice of the great saying, 'Live each moment as if its your last, because you never know when it will be'. People might think of this as morbid, but, to me, its an amazing piece of advice that everyone should listen to.!

We sit, watching time tick by, being bored...when for some people they are grasping at time with every last breath. How fair is it that some people have all the time in the world and simply waste it, whilst others have precious little time?? People claim they are not afraid of dying, and i guess in a way im not either, but then what is it that fills us with dread when that time comes?!...i think i realised the answer today, for me anyway, its the fear of what i shall miss that haunts me most. Not being able to wake up in the morning, with the sun blazing outside, not being able to giggle with my friends over silly little things, missing the smell of bacon cooking when i wake up, and so much more...the thought of life without these things is unbearable.

I guess this blog is kinda pointless, cept to say, to my mates and everyone in my life, i love you, thankyou for being there, and however often we may argue i never mean the hurtful things i say.!! Love you guys xxx

s...M...i...L...e...!!

2006-03-06T11:16:00.000-08:00

Smiling is infectious,
You catch it like the flu,
When someone smiled at me today,
I started smiling too.

I passed around the corner,
And someone saw my grin,
When he smiled I realised,
I'd passed it on to him.

I thought about that smile,
Then i realised it's worth,
A single smile, just like mine,
Could travel round the earth.

So, if you feel a smile begin,
don't leave it undetected,
Let's start an epidemic quick
and get the world infected. !!

...I saw this, and thought i would share it; maybe bring a smile to a face in need of it.!
xx sara xx

Limbo!

2006-02-06T13:10:00.000-08:00

Please be honest with your opinions, this is my first draft so who knows how good it is (or how crap) lol. Hopefully the second draft will be much improved...

Limbo!

It fell with a sickly thud; blood and fluids spurting wide across the surrounding ground, people watched in horror; sentences were left unfinished, creating a silent, apprehensive atmosphere.
The aroma/stench of hot sticky tar and car fumes wafted up from a source extremely close to my nose. The sound of cars screeching to a halt and horns blaring seemed much too close for comfort. The distant sound of bellowing sirens and panicked voices began to mingle in, before they all started to fade away. I should have started to worry; to worry where I was, what was happening, why my gorgeous blonde hair was plastered to my head, looking a funny shade of brown-red, why the world was moving round whilst I seemed to be stuck; unable to function. It was then it hit me, like a glass of cold water in the morning, I wasn’t worried because I wasn’t actually there, I was simply observing.
The alarm rang out piercingly in her ears, the numbers flashed brightly, 6.30am. Her day began. Rushing round, eating breakfast, no animals to feed. She didn’t have time for animals. At precisely 7.45am, glancing once more in her hallway mirror, she was, as usual, in her pristine state of appearance; not a hair out of place, she stepped through the doorway pulling the door tightly shut behind her. She sped down the stairs, the lift took too much time out of her day, reaching the main doorway, flushed, but still perfectly composed. In passing she nodded good morning to the porter – she really must learn his name, it had been five years since she had moved into her penthouse, and, other than the civil good morning, not a word had passed between them. She brushed through the entrance, took a deep breath, clutched her satchel to her side and prepared for the daily turmoil of hailing a cab.
She breathed a sigh of relief as she flopped into the slightly grubby looking passenger seat of the cab. She now had twenty minutes of journey in which she could relax, not that she ever did what people in general would call relaxing, before the stress of the day really hit her. She pushed in through the crowded maim doorway, bodies rushing in every direction. She headed straight for the staff cloakroom, doing her best to ignore the hustle and bustle around her. She had barely hung her coat and changed her shoes before the door opened behind her.
“Dr. Watson. You’re needed in resuscitation immediately”.
“Okay, I’m there.” She replied, in her normal brisk business-manner tone. No sooner than she entered the building was she thrown head first into her work.
The day passed in the normal rush and stress with which it normally does. She was constantly in demand, the only break she got was at 3.00pm, six and a half hours after the start of her shift, and lasted just short of 10 minutes. In and out of operating rooms, numerous patient consultations, the daily post-operation check ups, the bi-weekly catch up with medical school students; the jobs were endless, there was always a broken arm, bumped head, heart failure, and many more complaints at which she must deal with. The day flew past, without a moment to herself. The end of her shift came and went. Eventually, when she had been on shift for 13 hours she managed to make her escape; although, who was she kidding, there were numerous chances, earlier on, when she could have clocked off, but what was the point.
She was fed up with the silent welcome she received every time she returned to her apartment; it was beginning to depress her. But her job was her life and soul; it was all she lived for, without it her life would have been as empty as a school during the holidays. Don’t be confused; she was a beauty, and extremely charming, simply made to be popular and cherished, but her job demanded all her energies and all her days.
I watched, my eyes brimming with curiosity; wanting to listen in on every conversation, but only managing to focus on the odd word here and there. People rushed about, terrified voices shouting to each other. I couldn’t understand what all the commotion was about, or why I felt so distanced from everyone and everything. I knew something was wrong, but just couldn’t quite put my finger on what it was. I was thinking I should be worried, but it seemed impossible, I felt almost as if I couldn’t feel anything; apprehension, anxiety, worry, fear, I simply felt...nothing.
She opened her door, and not for the first time did she wish she had someone to welcome here, to give her a hug and tell her she had been missed, someone with whom she could talk over her day; but no, she was alone. That had always been the way, shutting people out, till all that seemed to matter in her life was her work, it was always the same, always had been, but she sincerely hoped it wouldn’t always be that way; no matter how likely it seemed. Deep inside her lay the reason, and most probably the answer, to her loneliness. But she was too scared to admit it, and simply ignored it, burying it further into her soul with each passing day.
‘The day loomed dark and cold, everything was so gloomy. The little girl stood there, watching with tear filled eyes as the wooden box was lowered into the ground. Her last connection with a family was gone. First her father, her best friend, and now her beloved mother. Little did she realise that day was to alter her forever; gone was the cheerful, chatty, bubbly Claire Watson. The new Claire Watson was cold, unfeeling and work orientated.’
The sweetest memory she had was of a garden, hundreds of flowers in full bloom; Lily’s, bluebells, daffodils, tulips, wall flowers and roses. Oh, how she loved the roses; red roses, yellow roses, pink roses and the most special of all, the White Roses, her mothers favourites. This garden was perfect, every flower, every branch, every bird, was untouched; the whole place contained an almost magical quality. Yet, no matter how much she loved this garden, she was never quite able to explain it. The memory of her mother, pushing her on a big wooden swing and her laughter ringing out into the air was about the only thing she could remember of the place; and even this was becoming vague. It was being compressed by the memories of graveyards, funeral songs, old people; smelling of coffee and hugging her till she suffocated. The memory of this garden was what got her through the nights when the emptiness really affected her, it was her sanctuary. The people began to fade, the noises stopped, the smells were replaced with the sweet smell of pollen. I no longer needed the answers to my questions, it didn’t seem to matter what was happening, I was at peace as I drifted through this beautiful garden. I looked around, my eyes filled with the sights of millions of flowers in full-bloom; and then, tending to the white roses, was my mother. Now I realised that I had succeeded in my last quest; I had fulfilled the dream that was in my head as I had stepped off the rooftop.

Perfection...and its misconception!

2005-11-01T19:03:00.000-08:00

Look at this flower to the right...is it perfect, no it isnt. Do you love it, yes you do.

Decided it was time I updated, I don't know why seen as no one reads this, but anyway I am like SO bored, so here goes, lets hope it makes sense.

I got this idea from a film I watched, (can't remember the title) , its all about perfections and imperfections and is going to be hard to explain my views clearly. The gist (is that spelt correctly?!) was that although you may be taken in by perfections for the first...eventually you will see that perfections are all false, and have no real beauty. Imperfections are what make us who we are, if you ask someone what they like most about you they will most probably say your wonky smile or your cute nose...the bit you think is your worst imperfection.

Basically, be proud of yourself, don't try to change, physically or personality for anyone else other than yourself!!! Someone who only loves parts of you does not love you truely, find someone who loves every little thing about you!!! That is true love!

People love you FOR your imperfections !!!

hehehe!!!

2005-09-05T20:51:00.000-07:00

Application To Be Ill

This form must be submitted at least 21 days before the date on which you wish the illness to commence :-

Name……………………………………………………

Position Held……………………………………………

Nature of illness………………………………………...

Date of which you wish illness to commence…………………………………
(Applications to suffer from Pregnancy must be submitted 12 months prior and accompanied by Form No. WS.361214198) Consent of Husband/Wife

Have you ever applied to suffer from this illness before………………………
If so, give date………………………………………….

Do you wish the illness to be slight/crippling/fatal……………………………
If illness is fatal do you wish this to be considered a permanent disability…………………………………
(Applicants wishing to suffer a fatal illness should indicate at the foot of this form whether they wish:-Board of directors to be represented at the funeral/cremation)

Do you wish to suffer from this illness at home/hospital/Costa Brava/ Newport Pagnell/Milton Keynes……………………………………

Do you wish this illness to be of a contagious nature………………………….
If so, indicate approximate number of people you wish to infect………………

Have you ever been refused permission to suffer from an illness………………
If so, give details…………………………………………………………………

Do you wish your wife/husband to be informed of your illness if he/she contacts us…………………………………………

I, the undersigned declare that to the best of my knowledge the answers given above are true and accurate.

Signed……………………….. Date…………………………..

Applicants are reminded that all applications will be considered on merit and that more than three applications per annum will be considered excessive and not in the best interests of the company. Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES will any employees be granted more than one FATAL ILLNESS per year.

Gcse Results!!!

2005-08-25T13:12:00.000-07:00

Ok, im sorry if i sound like im bragging, im jus soooooooooooooo happy!!

I got my Gcse results 2day, two A* seven A and 3 B!!!

I passed welsh! woooo!! Thought i wud fail it.
Got a B in P.e the teachers sed i wud only get a D!!!!!
Got an A in english, since starting the Gcse course i have improved from D to A in english :D!

I am so happy, didnt get lower than a B in anything, didnt fail any exams!!
Hope everyone else who just got their results are as happy as moi! :D!

wooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sara xx

Live 8 !!

2005-07-03T00:05:00.000-07:00

...u watch live 8 2day?? I did, all afternoon, nd then every chance i got while i was at work.....
Did it touch u as much as it did me?? How could it not? We all have hearts don't we??

Sir Bob Gelfof is a man to be admired.....yes the answer doesn't just lie in giving aid to these countries, they need build an economy, they need to be given the chance of fair trade! But the aid is a start, it will help the immediate cases and help the countries to begin their trip to survival!!! And Geldof has helped to produce this aid....he has stood up for the less fortunate, if we all do our bit we won't need to help, bcos we will all be equal, there will be no one less fortunate......

Its really inspired me to do my best to help, yer i texted in for tickets, and bought the wristband....but i wanna do more. Why should they suffer? What gives us the right to be free from suffering?? Just cos of where we were born???? I don't think thats fair...do you??

Please show you care by signing the petition, either online or by txt...www.live8live.com !!! Show you care! And most importantly help to make a difference!!

2005-06-30T16:07:00.000-07:00

THE RULES! Copy and paste into a comment section, then try and do it! It is surprisingly hard! IN ONE TRY.
Type your name with your...

Fingers:
One eye closed:
Chin:
Cheek:
Elbow:
Lips:
Palm:
Back of hand:

2005-06-26T19:18:00.000-07:00

...i promised i would update again today, so here i am...(sat at my lush new computer :D)...

My topic for blogging 2day is bullying!!!
It is a huge topic and affects everybody, it exists within every age group, every religion, every work place, every country... Everyone of us have been a victim of bullying and even bullyed someone else....maybe not meaningly, but we have! The difficult task is admitting to being bullyed, and bullying. For example, calling someone a name (even just the once) is a form of bullying, though admittedly very small and fairly insignificant!
The thing that brought this blog on is that today i had a bit of a shock, i realised how easy it would be to bully someone...how once you have the power over them you are pretty safe from them doing anything but submitting to it. Don't get me wrong, i would never bully someone purposely...but i just realised how easy it could be....and when people think bullys must be brave cos they risk everything if they are caught, they are wrong! Bullys dont need to be brave...they can be the quietest, mildest of people...
The other thing that has shocked me recently is just because you have left school it doesnt mean bullying stops.....it exists all throughtout life...on different scales, but it is always there...

People say if you speak out about bullying it can be stopped....yes, this is generally true...its always best to speak out. But i don't see a solution to stopping bullying altogether...it will always exist....this isnt a negative, pesimistic view....if you think about it you will realise how right i am!! (though feel free to contradict me)...
Its just, for example, if one day you are a little 'cold' with one of your friends, and they take it to heart...this could be considered bullying!! Things like that can't be helped.....I dont want my views to be right....but i honestly dont see how they arent...i can guarantee everyone reading this has been a victim of bullying at one stage in their life...........

...quick update...

2005-06-25T14:28:00.000-07:00

Haven't posted in waaaayyyy too long...and this one ain't gonna be nefin much, jus to let u guys out there no im still here, not dead or nuttin...jus bogged under with exams and work!! Tho no with exams now....finished on wednesday, and it feels GREAT!! so much freedom :D...no school till september now, yay!! just got work to deal with now....tho thats ok cos im still enjoying it, the novelty has worn off a little but its still kwl, bit tiring tho....got back from work about half hour ago...am knackered, in the ful sense of the word, lol!!
But yer neway, this is jus to say i will be back and blogging very soon...tell you wat, will post a blog 2moro...once my nu comp is totally working...yes a new computer....no more crap laptop crashing on me every 2 seconds...lush or wat???? neways......hope u r all keeping well?? nd every1 has done great in any exams they may hav sat.......cyaz xxxx

.....ahhhhh.......

2005-04-29T22:37:00.000-07:00

...my last post was about only having 7 weeks before the exams and needing to revise.....well, guess what...its now 3 weeks to the exams...and ive done next to no revision!!
What with going out, and working and doing the everyday things like eating and sleeping i just cant find time to revise!! im even missing school because im so tired....
...i really need to chill, but life is so crazy at the moment, everythings happening at once! I so cannot wait till summer wen i can jus be free! NO SCHOOLWORK AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!! Wahey...i get to go out, meet guys, have a laugh with my m8s! Gonna be lush lush lush!!!1 :D

xxxxxxxxx

...???...

2005-04-02T14:04:00.000-08:00

Omg! It is exactyl 7 weeks Monday to my first exam, and my god am i freaking big time :s....these exams are like SO important to the rest of my life and i just can't seem to start revising........

That was what i was thinking earlier....Now i am thinking....

Omg, its 7 weeks Monday to my exams, BUT, its 12 weeks Monday to my 9 week summer holiday!!!! Its gonna be SOOOOOOOOOO lush!! I am not gonna freak about the exams. I suggest that everyone coming up to their GCSE do what im doing and when someone mentions the closeness of the exams, simply follow it up by thinking of the closeness of the summer hols!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

xxxxxxxxxGood Luck to everyone sitting their GCSE's in summer 2005 xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

....chocolate...

2005-04-01T20:30:00.000-08:00

Hey
I wasnt going to post on here for a while, bcos i no i could get easily sidetracked, but i felt i had to post because i have called all my friends i can think of to call, i am now on msn but only one person is online and she isnt talking very much; which means i will start thinking, and i dont want to bcos i will get all upset again!!!!!

Anyway this blog is about a favourite thing of mine ......CHOCOLATE!!
I love it, and im pretty sure everyone else does...i once knew a boy who was allergic to chocolate, i don't know how he survived?! Lol, as you may have already guessed i couldnt live without chocolate! hehehe.

I don't really know what this blog is going to contain, as i said before it is simply an element of distraction....
I will start by asking some questions,
What is your fav type of chocolate? (as in milk, white, dark etc.)
What is your fav brand of chocolate? (As in Cadburys, Lindt, Nestle etc)
What is your fav ever chocolate bar? (as in buttons, mars bar etc)

Oooooo anyone like chocolate spread, like on toast or in sandwiches?! Well, i recommend that you try a chocolate spread and salt and vinegar sandwich. It is seriously the nicest sandwich you will ever taste, honest!!! Try it!! Lol!

I love hot chocolates aswell, especially a cadbury hot chocolate, with spray cream on top, and choc chips and marshmallows on top!!! So nice on a winters day when you are all cold inside!! :)))))))) hehehehe!!

I love advent calendar chocolates too, they may only be small but it is so nice just to wake up to that small piece of bliss....letting it melt on your tongue and forget the day ahead. Forget the prospect of school, forget how early in the morning and how tired you are etc etc....!

So, basically, as you may have already noticed i love chocolate......hehehe.....

(ok, well this hasnt done a very good job of distracting me, i am right on the edge of breaking down again........help)

...

2005-03-25T18:59:00.000-08:00

Ok, couldn't think of a name for this blog...but neway, its basically about unspoken words. And i no i have written a blog on this before, but i find it quite confusing really...
Why is it that people have to appear constrained and indifferent?! Can't anyone just let themselves go, and say what they really feel!! I am sort of commenting from personal experience and sort of commenting from theory.... but lately i have found a certain situation awkward and confusing, but then, when the people concerned said what they thought without being afraid of what others thought, the situation actually got sorted....but guess what...its gone back again, once more, people are acting constrained... ( at least i hope they are, because otherwise that just means they don't actually care).
I think the world in general would be much better off if people dropped their differences...if people just admitted when they are wrong, or ask for help when they need it....like all the world leaders are too proud to accept help or even advice from other 'leaders'. And in a smaller perspective...if school children were all friends with one another, none of the 'oh. im not talking to her, shes less popular than me', things would be much better off!!!
The thing is though, yes, many of you are probably sitting there thinking even if i tried i couldnt make a difference on my own...well...think again, all it would take is for one generation to alter things. why shouldnt it be our generation?!
This blog doesnt really have a direct point to it, all im thinking is that i find it sad when restrictions are put upon us for what we look like, or what religion we are, or what nationality we are, etc. its something that could quite easily be changed, and yet it isnt!! its actually getting worse!! And these restrictions aren’t necessarily by law, they are quite often by example of past generations…

Friendship

2005-03-25T17:49:00.000-08:00

...whether you are actually going to read this or not i dont no, but i just want to say a hugeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee thankyou to my group of bessie m8s!! This past term we have really settled down and become a solid group. And, especially these last 2 weeks, our friendship has been tested in more than one way and im glad to see that it has survived!!! Thankyou for helping me through all the problems....and i hope we are mates for a long time to come...and when september comes, i would like to see us all going to the same 6th form (hinting at you sarah, the rest of us plan to stay, so you cant go!! plzzzzz stay!!!!! it wouldn't be the same without you)....
...neway...i hope you realise just how important you are to me....and that you could never be replaced... xxxxxx

...umm....

2005-03-23T15:37:00.000-08:00

hey
ok, i did honestly have a very good point to make in this blog, but in the time its taken me to log on i seem to have forgotten it :s lol, typical!!
i will post this blog anyway...something to do i suppose, cos i am VERY bored (again!)

so.... what type of music is everyone into?! Here are my top 10 songs at the moment....(in no order)
...The Killers - Indie rock n roll
...The Calling - wherever u will go
...The Corrs - Humdrum
...The Corrs - Angel
...Nelly Futardo - try
...(dunno who sings it) - build me up buttercup
...Aerosmith - don't wanna miss a thing
...greenday- american idiot
...greenday...boulevard of broken dreams
...the friends soundtrack....lol

those are mine.....what are yours?!
xxx

...a bunch of laughs....

2005-03-20T17:24:00.000-08:00

hey,
found a lush webpage, ful of jokes n riddles n all...anybody who is bored could do with reading these...keep them occupied for a bit!!!

TONGUE TWISTERS
Tom Threw Tim Three Thumbtacks. Three Thumbtacks Were Thrown to Tim by Tom. Why Did Tom Throw Tim Three Thumbtacks?

How much would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? A wood chuck could chuck as much as a wood chuck could chuck wood.

Can you imagine an imaginary menagerie manager imagining managing an imaginary menagerie?

MIND BENDERS
Q: An electric train is traveling north at 100 miles an hour, which way does the smoke go?
A: Eletric trains don't have smoke . . . lol

Q: The wind is blowing hard from the north, if a rooster sitting on the roof of a barn lays an egg, which way will it roll, north or south?
A: Roosters don't lay eggs

GENERAL RIDDLES
How can you make a skunk stop smelling ?
Cut off his nose.

Why does a giraffe have a long neck ?
So he won't have to smell his feet.

lol...those last were a bit crap...but sumone else may find them funny....neway... cant be bothered to put anymore, lol!!!
hope u enjoy them n have a good giggle over them.....
xxxxxxxxxxxxx

...stuff...

2005-03-17T22:18:00.000-08:00

Hey ...
....ok, well, don't really know what this blog is gonna say... i am really just writing it for two reasons...one; i have been told to write a more positive blog...and two; i haven't been on here for ages..........

Anyway....don't no what to say....so im just gonna type nonsense... anyone seen the film 'Cool Runnings'?! omg!! it is soooooooooooooo funny!! i have hear people mention it so many times but have never actually seen it....till tonight! It is so funny, but yet so sentimental and caring, i love it................. lol, u should deff watch it!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ummm....stuck for words again (unusual for me...) btw...sorri bout all the '...' i have the habit of using them and can't get rid of it, lol.....

I no...got a question for like the small number of people who are actually reading this....its my easter hols next week...2 weeks off from school...i want to make it so lush, because when i go back to school afterwards its gonna be exams, exams and exams...my m8s and i have planned some things, but we are slightly stuck for ideas....we have planned, to go out for a meal, go shopping, go out round town (clubs n pubs), cinema, swimming, bowling....but we need more ideas!!!!! help......pleasepleaseplease leave comments with any suggestions, they would be very much appreciated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
thanks a billion to anyone that does........xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

....boredom....

2005-02-20T18:03:00.000-08:00

I have noticed something, everyone elses blogs seem to have a general point about them, mine are just endless rambles about my feelings and my life, lol. Oh well, its not as it anyone actually reads them......is it?!
I am just writing this cos i am bored, so very bored!! I have been bored quite often throughtout this holiday, and yet, i REALLY don't want to go back to school. I don't usually mind going back to school, yea its school (and we all no what it is like) but i get see my friends and get out the house, but at present it is just too much effort to go to school.... All my friends seem to bug me, especially one or two of them, namely one, who is just SOOOOOOOOOOO living in year 7, WE ARE IN YEAR 11 NOW,!!! i no it is cruel to judge people because they aren't like everyone else, but this one person is just soooo childlike and innocent, yeah right, grow up a bit!! I am sorry, but this term i am very short on patience, so your getting none of it, so either grow up or deal with it!!!!!!!!!!!!
(lol, now you no why no1 reads my blogs, i wouldnt dare give my school friends the address, not that they actually no about this site, but many of my friends would no who i have just been grumbling about).
Oh crap gotta go, parents are back, have been on the internet for like 4 hours ahhhhh............

...life, stuff, nonsense, blab....

2005-02-18T20:20:00.000-08:00

I have now come to the conclusion that no-one reads my blogs, so what the heck, i won't feel guilty about being all depressed and moaning because no-one is reading it.........
......meant to be seeing my boyfriend tonight, then my mum has the decency to tell me that she is working and i can't get a lift home :((((((( i really wanted to see him, i cant see him 2moro because he is out all day and then working in the evening... oh well, it won't bother me, it will be my family who have to put up with my bad temper 2moro...
Life is pretty glum, up till yesterday my half term was going amzingly well!!!!! Still haven't done my art, i suppose if i have enough will power i will work on it 2moro, because that way i won't feel guilty about being with him on sunday!!! (god, thinking about it, i hope he isn't busy on sunday, what if he feels he has to do his school work, he would still see me but i wouldn't see him because i would feel guilty....) :s Well, back to my art, i should go do it now. I'm bored, very bored, watching a crap film and waiting for someone to come on msn to talk to (yea, right?! its friday night, everyone is out).
Its only ....11 days to my birthday....and its only 11 days to my art exam..... 11 days to do 20 pages of my sketchbook, thats like 2 pages a day! :o which i will never do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Right, i am going to do my art THIS MINUTE!!! I will not go to bed until i have completed five pages!!!Five WHOLE pages!!! Its 8.20pm now, so im gonna have to work hard, here goes, wish me luck, my art drives me crazy, makes me mental, even thinking about it does...........
cyaz xxxxxxxxxx

...unspoken words...

2005-02-13T18:34:00.000-08:00

'Im telling the truth?!' 'Honest' 'Trust me'. All of these mean nothing! Whatever is being said, there are always things being unsaid. Why can't we just have a world where everything is said, there is so much you can't tell someone, for whatever reason.
Some are ok, some things can be left unsaid, are even better left unsaid, but then there are things that are better said, and there are even things that you wish you could say, but feel you can't for how the other person will react!!
Wondering where all this had come from? Well let me ask you this, what do you do when you have been invited somewhere, you REALLY can't go, as in feel sick everytime you think of going, but you no if you don't go its gonna open up all the problems that had just been sorted this morning?! What do you do then?!?!?!?!?!?!
If i don't go, it may end, if i do, well. . . i jus can't! I have the perfect excuse, 'i can't get a lift', but it doesn't mean the person will be any happier, does it? Whatever the reason im not going, and i didn't go last night, to punish me i probably won't hear from him 2moro, valentines day!!!

Here goes. . .im about to tell him i can't go . . .

...its looking like i may not have to say nefin after all, he may have just given me a way out, lets see how he takes it. . . ive told him, waiting for a reply.
ok that, was an example of something that is better said!!!!!! Ive probably just confused you all, but i had to let it out somewhere. . . thanx

...grrrr.......

2005-02-10T11:49:00.000-08:00

What is it with my friends and drink?! They think to have a good time you need to get totally hammered!! Alcohol is dangerous!
Jus speaking to my b/f, he suggested a few of us going to his on saturday night, with 'a few alcholic beverages', those were his exact words, yea wateva! Last time he was totally off his head! I even found myself to embarrassed to refuse a drink, i didn't drink it, jus tipped it in da sink when people werent looking. Thats how much pressure i feel, if i don't want to drink it has to be because i have work the next day or something, its not allowed to be just because i don't want to!!!!! I haven't seen my b/f since sunday, i reallyyyyyyy want to see him, but im finding myself thinking of excuses as to why i cant go on saturday night because i don't want to go where everyone will be drinking!! The worst part is i no he only does it to show of infront of his friends, the way he was consuming it wasn't for fun, it was to act all 'hard' and 'big'! yea wateva!!!
I hate it, its horrid! I don't no what to think, it just seems like everyone around me is drinking, everyone talks about how they got hammered or wrecked etc. Yea i no a lot of that will just be talk and will people trying to impress. But ho do you ignore it when its happening right infront of you?! Im even afradi to say something to my b/f because i don't wanna loose face. Tho thinking bout it, i am, when he asks about sat night, say 'yea sure, so long as you promise not to drink so much this time, it sort of spoilt it last time.' Jokingly and seriously at the same time. Wat do you think?! I have the right don't i?! Im not just being uptight and boring?!

...freedom...

2005-02-07T10:01:00.000-08:00

Omg! I so cannot wait until the summer, 6 weeks of freedom. Don't get me wrong, i don't hate school, but the amount of work we are getting at the moment is ridiculous!!! I usually find the summer holidays to long but this year I am yearning for them!!! Its gone past the stage of 'Oh dear, boring work to do' to 'omg, im never going to finish this work, im going to fail :s'. I am soooooooooooooo stressed right now.
Anyone else get these feelings? We have so much work, especially if you are studying art. 4 weeks to complete a whole unit, what on earth is up with that?!?! Seriously, i am literally freaking. I have my final art GCSE (major exams) exam on my BIRTHDAY, my 16th birthday at that!!! How unfair, i nearly cried when i was told that. I have had like no social life for 2 years, 2 years of my life just gone. Ive been good so far, putting my art first but i just CANNOT be bothered any more, im fed up with it. I am meant to have 24 pages done py 2moro, yea whatever!! I have 12 of them done!?!? oops, im gonna be in trouble 2moro, ah!
I have english coursework due in 2moro, was given it on friday! 2days to write a whole essay!? er...excuse me! My physics teacher advised me to improve my science coursework because 52 out of 60 wasn’t good enough!? Excuse me! That gets an A* (the highest grade possible). Why improve it?????? All teachers want is to make themselves look good, they may have the odd moment where they do actually do something for the good of their pupils, but generally it is for them, better grades in the class means more money for them!!!!!!
To comment again, can't wait till the summer holidays!!!!
Anybody else out there feeling bogged down by school work? Please comment.
Cyaz xxxx

...confusion...

2005-02-06T06:38:00.000-08:00

So... not sure what to say, this is my first blog, im just gonna say what i think and feel. Ok?
First thing i want to complain about is why you are not entitled to a free head when growing up?!?! The aomunt of things we have to deal with i think we could at the very least have a spare head to split the problems with! That way we would only have half the stuff to think of at once, and god knows even half is too much.
What reallyyy bugs me at the moment is what my friends think of me?! I say something jokingly and then the next day i happen to talk to one of my mates and mention it isnt true and they go really?! Do they seriously think of me as that low?? OMG!
Anyway...to all single people out there?! Yes having a boyfriends is nice but it can be sooooooo much work. Especially when your from different schools.

Sorry this is a bit short, run out of stuff 2 say and i have to go decide what 2 wear (another huge problem) for my date tonight.
feel free 2 comment.
bye xxxxxx